Journal of an Insomniac

Thursday, November 4th 1999; 9:45 AM:

I had a bit of a problem sleeping last night and I’m not quite certain why. I could have just a bit too much on my mind lately or there could be something physiological going on. But in any case, I’m at school, waiting for chemistry to start, so I thought I would take a few moments to write something down, being that I have already finished the majority of the crossword puzzle in today’s Wildcat.

The guys should be here soon. They will undoubtedly ask for help on the crossword and maybe, just maybe, help on the homework that is due tomorrow. That is, if they even attempted it. I need to start giving them the wrong answers.

Sunday, November 7th 1999; 10:10 AM:

I got home from work last night at around 11:30 to find my roommates with about 10-15 people in the living room watching “The Crocodile Hunter”. Apparently they had planned a party and didn’t tell me about it.

I made myself a drink and went to my room just to chill out alone for a few. Whatshername… a chick that I used to pseudo-date for a little while, Alison or Ashley or something that begins with an A, walks in a little buzzed and lays down on my bed and starts rolling around…

“Your bed is SOOOO comfy!!”

Why she couldn’t act like that when we were dating is beyond me. In any case, I kicked A-name out of, I mean off of, my bed just before my girlfriend showed up. As is her usual, she got belligerent-drunk, started shit with my friends, and had to be carried downstairs before someone killed her. I took her home about an hour and a half after she got here.

Me, on the other hand… I’m still having a hell of a time trying to sleep. The nights have slowly gone from mildly restless to moderately disturbing. Last night was the worst it has been since I started on this little bout of insomnia. I think I only slept about 4 hours. Tonight I will try some OTC meds.

Thursday, November 11th 1999; 8:16 AM:

Well, the Tylenol PM officially doesn’t work anymore. It does kinda work, but only when I take a damn-near-lethal dosage of it. I decided to cut out the Tylenol for, hopefully, more natural forms of sedation. Besides, I may need my kidneys some day. We’ll see if swimming at night before I go to bed does the trick.

School is being a pain in the ass, but what more can I say about that? I’ve been busting my ass to keep up, but I am working full time and going to school full time, so it’s to be expected. Damn, a coke sounds good right about now…

Tuesday, November 23rd 1999; 2:28 PM:

The insomnia is finally starting to get to me. It’s now been almost two weeks since I have had a decent night of sleep, and three weeks since I have had a natural night of sleep. Last night is the worst it has ever been, I’m not sure of an exact number, but I would be surprised if I had 90 minutes of sleep. And to get those ninety minutes, I had to take two shots of JD.

I’ve tried swimming, smoking, showering, reading, listening to music, watching TV, taking a walk around the neighborhood, and the occasional… well you know. Well not a damn thing worked.

I went online this morning and looked up cures for insomnia on Alta Vista, only to realize that some people have a hard time sleeping after they work out, smoking, listening to music or walking long distances. So much for all of my theories…

This prof is starting to get on my nerves. The guy smells like bourbon and pipe tobacco, I wish he would just shut the hell up…

Saturday, November 27th 1999; 3:15 AM:

Well, it finally happened. My girlfriend and I broke it off. She essentially said that I was insufferable since my bout of insomnia started. I think the chick needs to grow up a bit and not start shit with my friends every time she fucking drinks. That’s the last time I date a chick who is 18!

Can’t sleep more than oh about 20-30 minutes a night now. When I do sleep, it’s more of a conscious dream than actual sleep, although I keep having the same dream.

I am crossing a catwalk inside a cave when it gives way. I fall and hit the side of the cave wall, bouncing and falling, hitting and falling until I finally wake up. Whoever said that you die if you hit the ground in a dream is a bloody idiot.

Well if you can’t tell, I am progressively getting more and more irritable. Everyone, including myself, is starting to get on my friggin’ nerves. I’m not sure if it’s my fault or theirs anymore.

Friday, December 3rd 1999; 12:38 PM:

I have taken to tape recording my journal entries, due to the fact that I am having a hard time reading my own handwriting anymore. I know what the words are, and I know what the definitions are, but they might as well be numbers, ‘cause words in a sentence no longer make any sense when written down.

I had an attack in the middle of Latin class today, I have no idea what brought it on, I just know I had to leave class and sit outside for about twenty minutes ‘cause I was hyperventilating.

I just hope that sometime in the future, when I play this tape, I will be able to understand what I am saying. My speech is getting worse and worse, too, or at least that’s what people have been telling me. One of these days, I will be able to get… why is that chick looking at me like that…? Hey you! What the hell is your problem?!

Wednesday, December 8th 1999; 10:10 PM:

I just got out of work. Spent most of my time today talking to a five-inch tall Puerto Rican who was standing next to my computer on my desk. Miguel talks a lot of shit considering how small he is. I haven’t quite determined if it’s because he is Puerto Rican or if it is a napoleon complex he has. No matter, I’m sure I can take him anyway.

The girl I have been dating for the past couple of weeks is starting to get concerned, she wants me to see a doctor or a shrink or something. She says that I always look like I’m ‘zoned out’ and my rants don’t make any sense at all.

I think she just doesn’t like the fact that I am making friends with a Puerto Rican.

Tuesday, December 14th 1999; 11:40 AM:

Finally broke down and went to doctor and a shrink. Still haven’t slept lately so, I’m not so sure what the hell the shrink was babbling on about, said something about some sort of anxiety something, I’m not sure, the picture behind his head started waving at me. Also said something about the reoccurring dream I’m having, but didn’t understand that either.

In any case, the doctor gave me drugs. It’s a new pill called Ambien, it’s supposed to help cure insomnia. So now I am sitting waiting at the pharmacy for my prescription to be filled.

My girlfriend is happy that I am trying to get help, probably the happiest I have seen her since we started dating. Miguel called me a pussy and spat in my water.

Wednesday, December 15th 1999; 2:15 PM:

I’ll be damned if the pill didn’t work! I slept like a baby last night. After last night, I am quite convinced that 1 Ambien will knock out a full grown Clydesdale after an all night coke bender! I got a good 10 hours of sleep last night.

Details about last night are kind of sketchy, I’m not exactly sure, but I might have fallen asleep lying on top of my girlfriend last night. I will need to apologize to her when I see her tonight.

On other fronts, I am writing coherently again, and Miguel seemed to disappear off of the face of the planet. I think he’s pissed off at me, I might just be the only person I know that got ditched by his imaginary friend.

Thursday, December 16th 1999; 8:09 AM:

Well she dumped me. Apparently, not only did I fall asleep lying on top of her, but we were semi-‘busy’ in the process. I don’t blame her, I probably would have done the same had the roles been reversed. I don’t think we were a good fit anyway, she’s a little too crazy for me. And I’m not talking, ‘get drunk and get naked’ crazy, I’m talking, ‘cries over a Folgers coffee commercial’ crazy.

At this point I’m not sure if she was ever real, or she was a figment of my imagination.