And I Quote...

For a little bit of a lighter fare, some of my favorite quotes:

“Let me go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry's perspective: one, if someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and can't decide what they want in the half hour it took to get to the register then I should be allowed to kill them; two, I am fairly sure that if they took porn off the internet, there would only be one website left and it would be called bring back the porn; three, and most importantly of all, the only way to be respected as a doctor and a man is to be an island, you are born alone, you damn sure die alone. Isn't that right spike? The point is, and you might want to jot this down, only the weak need help.”
-Dr. Cox, ‘Scrubs’

“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche, ‘Ecce Homo’

“Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”
-Sir Winston Churchill

“Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.”
-Dave Barry

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
-Niels Bohr

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”
-Bill Watterson

“Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”
-Voltaire

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”
-Plato

“It is only necessary to make war with five things; with the maladies of the body, the ignorances of the mind, with the passions of the body, with the seditions of the city and the discords of families.”
-Pythagoras

“I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation and is but a reflection of human frailty.”
-Albert Einstein
“People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
-George Orwell

“There is no substitute for victory.”
-General Douglas MacArthur

“There are three classes of intellects: one which comprehends by itself; another which appreciates what others comprehend; and a third which neither comprehends by itself nor by the showing of others; the first is the most excellent, the second is good, and the third is useless.”
-Niccolo Machiavelli, ‘The Prince’

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
-Groucho Marx

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.”
-Carl Jung

“There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.”
-Richard Feynman

“If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
-George Carlin

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”
-Woody Allen

“I rant, therefore I am.”
-Dennis Miller

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
-Albert Einstein